If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
