Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Dick very happy bro
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
