You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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