Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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