in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
