this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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