Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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