toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
PS: I just woke up from my shower
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
