office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
how do you play pong handcuffed?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
