OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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