I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
