[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Randomize