She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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