glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
