You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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