allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
