I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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