I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
