Got a toothbrush?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
