Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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