____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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