I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
