Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
