I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
