I want to stick my p in your. b.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
