Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!