Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me