Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
