Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
