my mouth tastes like poor choices
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
