Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
we're so committed to being not committed
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
