I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
