You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
too bad you live with your parents still
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
