Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
operation have a gay friend backfired
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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