my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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