My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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