Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
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He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
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I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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