I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
