PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
