At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I queefed so loud it echoed.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
