oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Randomize
