I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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