For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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