So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
