You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
