I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
