I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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