I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
