he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
how does that bad decision feel?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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