Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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