I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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