the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
