I'm sorry my penis didn't work
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
