at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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