I just made out with a guy for $7.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I love having hate sex.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
