I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
