overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize