so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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