i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
