On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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