No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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