So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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