I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
