Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize