i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
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you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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