I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Randomize
